Live Your Truth…not just Speak It. “Facing the Fear of Embarassment” (Part I)

In 2003, I was fired from the best job I ever had as an Architect…

Truth…

Because of a Fear within Me…

I have lied about that Life Event ever since…until now.

I talk quite a bit about facing Fears in order to continue down a Path and finding Peace. Well…I am here to face one now.

Embarrassment and Humiliation

I have been telling people I know for years…ten years actually…that I quit my last job as a licensed Architect when I moved from California to North Carolina. I blamed my ex-wife’s desire to move back to where she grew up in Wilmington, NC as the reason I had to quit that fantastic job and leave the place I loved living. I lied. I was fired eight months before we moved and one of the reasons we moved was because I was unemployed and too embarrassed to try to find another job. My life was a complete mess and the reasons were entirely my own fault. I was the creator of my situation. I alone, allowed my Self to be so embarrassed and humiliated that I did not work as an Architect again. Weakness of Spirit, I allowed to consume me. For years, I did not “Improvise, Adapt and Overcome” as my Father had taught me to do when faced with a Challenge. I quit…I gave up…just like a spoiled little child.

And then, I set sail upon the Indigo Sea…

I deserved to be fired from that job…

this is something I have realized for years…

actually the day it happened I knew the truth of why…

yet, I allowed embarrassment and humiliation to take control and became swept away in my own Fear of what others would think…for ten years.

Even though I knew within my Core that I was the only human responsible for my own actions, I blamed the outside world for my situation in Life.

I blamed my Father’s death in 2001 for my depression which in my head, led to my negativity toward others. In my head, I would say things to myself like, “It’s ok for you, Greg to be angry and depressed around other humans because you are suffering the loss of your Father…all other humans will just have to understand why and if they don’t, then they are cold, stupid and mean.”

Well…no…that was my own Personal Devil that I alone allowed to take control of my thinking. Just because something happens in Life which is sad and hard to deal with, does not mean that a human gets to be a jerk to others. In fact, just the opposite is Truth. When something intense like that happens, it becomes our duty to be Peaceful and Positive in order to help others defeat their own suffering…becasue we all suffer in some way about many things in our own individual lives. I had no right as a human to inflict Negativity onto other humans around me and beyond.

There were many other excuses I came up with over the next ten years as to why things were “happening to me” and I would consistently blame what was “outside” of me. Interestingly enough, I knew in my Core that this was not correct. I, as an individual, with My brain within My body…have the capacity to find the Positive in all things. Furthermore, it is my duty as a simple human to spread, not negativity, but only that which is Positive…even if Truth is hard for someone else to hear. For, in the end…and upon arriving at a destination…Peace will always be found in the lightness of Truth.

Two days ago, I was interviewed about “Path of Three Hundred“ by Lisa Zimmer on her Blogtalkradio show, “Unlimited Realities by Lisa Zimmer”.

Lisa had two guests that day including me. The first guest, was Dr. Jennifer Howard about her book, “Your Ultimate Life Plan“. I listened to Dr. Howard before I was on the air and what she said inspired me. She spoke about “sweeping things under the carpet”. We hear this phrase quite a bit and I have said it myself over time. In a sense, this is what “Path of Three Hundred” is all about. Facing things in Life which block us. Not being scared to the point of quitting or denial. While at sea, I had to do this in order to survive. “Path of Three Hundred” is an illustration of what she talks about in “Your Ultimate Life Plan“.

And it’s funny to me now as I write this….In a way, it becomes more difficult to face the Fears we have on land where safety and comfort exist, because we can “pull over and rest” when faced with something intense…and that can become the Easy way out and a form of Denial…a difficult Choice at times. At sea alone, my only choice was to face Fear and keep going.

The words of Healing are pouring out now…

accepting my Truth of Past and facing a Wall created by Mind…

becoming Lighter through the Release…

and the Destination of Peace becomes closer as the Walls are crushed into rubble.

We are being tested all the Time. By the Universe? By the God in which you Believe? By Self? Or…perhaps…by a Force not yet understood?

For me at least, the “by whom or what” does not matter…what matters most is the Release of something hidden that has been eating away at Peace which could translate into Love, for so many years. My goal is to help propel Positivity into the Web of Life through my Heart. Become even more Peaceful than I have already become through the Adventure upon the Indigo Sea. Facing the Intensity of being alone at Sea taught me many things about how to find a Peaceful Way and yet sometimes, through a reflection on a Past Event when reminded of something, I see another Wall to be conquered. This is a good thing…a Gift from the Universe. I Chose to not sweep the feelings under the carpet…I Choose to Face that which has been blocking me for so long…share it, in hopes that someone can face that which is blocking them and know that there are others like them who face similar Challenges. You truly are not alone…You are Loved.

Are You going through intensity right now?

Have you been fired from a job and are feeling like crap?

Are you going through a divorce or have been dumped by the one you Love?

Is someone you know dying?

Know this…

We are all here for each other…

including the ones who you think are responsible for what is happening to You…

and on the deepest of levels of the Soul…

Love is there…

just hold out your hand, Own your Truth, take responsibility for your actions and someone will grasp your hand with a smile.

I was fired from a good job back in 2003 because of Me. I was angry, frustrated, negative and Peace did not exist within my Being. That negative Way that I alone created, infected others to the point that they only had one choice…let me go. That action ten years ago by fellow humans who had to go through the pain of firing someone close to them, was an action I take full responsibility for. In retrospect, the Architecture firm I used to work for did me a great favor…gave me a Gift which I hold dearly in my heart. They help put a fellow human back on a Path of Peace…